i am not as curious as benjamin!

i want to watch the movie very very badly!!!
my friend is right, it is not sold through tv ads and all that..
the story itself compels your own inner curiousity to make you want to watch it...
i do not have the luxury of time...
huhuhuhuhuhu...
but from what i've heard, it makes you realize just how sad it would be seeing the ones that you love around you wither and die as you become more youthful and learn to live...

come to think of it all...maybe...the real treasures in life aren't those that you leave behind, maybe they're the ones you carry with you to the grave...
i am talking about memories...
we have so many...
each and every single one of us...
we carry so much in our hearts and in our minds and they mean so much to us that we can never part with them...

some memories are meant to be shared with the whole world...
some are meant to be kept locked for ones own personal thoughts...
some are reflections of ones soul...
some are plain moments in lfe that we just miss...

every single day...we make new memories...
the hard part is keeping all of them...hehehehe...

goodnight ladies and gentlemen!
sleeptight!

i'm still not over you...

"trying to erase the way your kisses taste,
but some things a girl can never forget"

lines from rihanna's song...
befitting for my current situation...
yes, i admit...i still love him very much...
though i broke up with him, it doesn't really mean that i've stopped loving him, i think i never will...
i've come to accept the fact that i am totally and absolutely in love with him...
i just don't want the relationship anymore...
i'm not broken-hearted, not anymore, i used to be but i healed very slowly, then we broke up...
we became one before, now wer'e two different entities, though still linked together at some point...

i thank him for the times he's made me laugh, the times he's made me smile, the times he's made my world stop so that i could capture that precious moment with him...
but i thank him more for making me patient, strong, kind, understanding and above all things...brave enough to learn when to let go...i became smart because of him...
lesson learned...hehehehe...maybe the reason why i am not as sad and downtrodden as i should be is cause i gave all that i could afford to give and i regret nothing...
not the missed opportunities, not the times people saw me as something i'm not just cause of my extreme love for him...i regret nothing and i'm happy to say that i may not be over him yet, i never will be but i learned a totally valuable lesson from him...i must love myself too...

i love you very much Renegade Jan Ceniza, but i won't come back...
i'm sorry...
i'm keeping your ring, it means a lot to both of us after all...but whenever its time, you can have it back whenever you want...
thank you for everything...you used to be mine...take care!

why am i always the last to know?

as i write this blog, the tears slowly fall from my eyes...
why am i always the last to know?
there are so many things that i am blinded from, i don't know if it's for my own good or not but it hurts when i find out by myself and it's too late...
i suddenly feel like an ignoramus, a person not worth telling anything cause she isn't worth your time of day...

i call these people friends...
i share my most intimate feelings with them and i share my innermost thoughts...
and yet...what's visibly seen cannot even be conveyed into words...
they leave me out of the loop...
it hurts knowing that i care and love them...
yet they disregard me...
sad...isn't it..?